Each day when I pick up Dom from school, he likes to get of his buggy and lie in our driveway. I’m not entirely sure why, but he does. When it’s dry I’m happy for him to do that, but when it’s pouring with rain I don’t let him and have to pick him up screaming and carry him inside. He shouts and lashes out and even tries to open the hastily-locked fronted door. All he can think of is that I’m shutting the door on him and not allowing him to do something, when the truth is I am looking out for him, and what is best.
That’s how it can be with God – you want the door open, but push it and it stays firmly shut. You rush to another door and it’s locked, and you feel like shouting about the injustice of it all. It’s so unfair, why is God so mean? I imagine God has perfected his parental look of loving but knowing what’s best as the child is lashing out.
That is how it felt when I was trying to plan what I was doing the first full day of this trip. I had tried again and again to find something to do on the Saturday with other people, but everyone was busy and I felt panicked. I was coming to a different country with the purpose to connect and was going to have to sit by myself on day 1, it made me anxious.
I pleased so say that God has, yet again, gone ahead and I have been utterly blessed by my incredible and generous hosts. They have welcomed me into their home, spent time with me, and ended up taking me around an amazing farmer’s market and then out for some lunch before I crashed out with jet lag. I then had a nice evening watching golf and Downton Abbey!
When I thought I needed to be busy and visiting lots of people God knew what was best and provided. There is nothing wrong with my attempts to be prepared with an itinerary, but rather than being eaten up with frustration I should have trusted that God knows what He is doing.
I don’t deal with not knowing what is going to happen very well and so this week is rather out of my comfort zone as I am very much going along with what others are doing. I am learning to build up these weaker muscles so that when I don’t have a nice neat schedule, and no idea of what is expected of me I don’t crumble to pieces! Embracing and understanding my weaknesses means that they can be turned into opportunities.
I am someone who has spent many years retreating and hiding from busy-ness and people, and on this trip I have already been so blessed by conversations and spending time, just being, with others. I find it so hard to sit down and relax – I am always on the go, but I am trying and willing to learn, willing to grow in my relationships and that means pushing through the pain barrier.
God is so good and tender and He truly knows best.