So I will be the first to admit that there are some areas of my life where I am messy, disorganised and rather chaotic. I like to blame it on the creativity. I have so much going on in my mind and want to try so many things at once that I can end up generating lots of mess.
However in other areas of my life I like to be very organised and work within a structure. I like to know what is going on, when we are doing something, how and with whom. If my careful plans suddenly get changed I really struggle with that.
I like to know what is going on to such an extent that before I watch a film I will Wikipedia the entire plot line so I have no surprises and can prepare myself for what is about to happen. In the last year God has really started to challenge me in needing to know what will happen. I pray that God would take me deeper for more of Him and less of me, but it is easy to pray big prayers like this, and then when challenged to just crumble and decide it’s too hard.
My experiences have been that I have to and want to surrender this to Him. Through the process of stepping out into a new ministry, God has shown me that I need to take one step at a time. I have felt Him challenge me to surrender it all to him (Job 11vs13-15) and to try not to make things happen humanly. This is incredibly difficult and goes against the norm, but I feel He wants me to learn how to fully rely on Him (Proverbs 3vs5-6). I know that this way, everything that will happen is for His glory alone and because it is His will and not my own. This has been hard to put into practice when people keep telling me that I should be doing this or that, but I have felt God say to wait and to trust Him. Sometimes the silence can feel like I have failed or heard Him wrong but God has told me to be faithful and that He will guide me one step at a time. I need to walk by faith and not by sight.
For me, it’s very reminiscent of that iconic moment in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” where Indy has to step out into ‘thin air’ and trust that a bridge will be there. Walking by faith and not by what he can see is a discipline that God wants me to learn, because this is how he wants me to live the rest of my life. (‘For we live by faith, not by sight 1 Corinthians 2vs 5-7). God gets that I long for control in knowing what will happen and that it has been a stronghold in my life, but He wants me to completely trust Him. So although this is the most difficult, and terrifying thing I am doing, it is also the most amazing. I am learning so much about God, His love, and my need for utter dependence on Him.
I can tell you that He is so loving and merciful. He is my father and wants good things for me (Jeremiah 29vs11). I have been overwhelmed with how every step he puts before fits so well and is the right thing at the right time. How he has brought me work with the “Inspire” choir for this next season has been perfect timing and leading, and definitely worth stepping out in faith.
So if he asks me to walk by faith and not by sight I must do it, in the confident knowledge that He has gone before me and prepared the way. Just like the shepherd goes before the sheep (Psalm 23) to make sure their path is safe and passable., our God has gone ahead and prepared our way.
There is a song that keeps coming up on UCB radio (“Let you drive” by Manifest) which totally sums up what I need to do.
‘I’ll take my hands off the wheel, and let you drive, let you drive, let you drive, Here’s the key to my heart, so come inside, take my life, you can take my life – take me where I need to go, only thing I need to know, I am not alone.’
I want to encourage you to think about areas that you struggle with, and to surrender these areas to God, and to let him lead you –‘to let him drive’. I can honestly say that it is totally worth it.
God bless,
Kat